The year is 2300.
We are finally moving to Mars.
As Mars is not as big and inhabitable as our beloved earth, it is important to select the soon-to-be Martians carefully. Equal number of representatives from all nations will be taken to Mars on the SpaceX Giant Shuttle. It’s up for each government to pick the suitable representative of their own countries. The idea was to take people who would be good for Mars. People who never littered, people who never murdered, people who never lit one cigarette in public their entire life etc.
Myanmar got its share of seats as well. So, which people will be going to Mars?
The first meeting of Mars Representative Selection Committee (MRSC) in Yangon had to be postponed because half of the members did not check their email and missed the invitation. During the rescheduled meeting, it was thought to be appropriate to go back 200 years and collect how local people felt about the whole Mars idea. From gathered data, the committee would develop proper criteria for selecting representatives.
Everything people wrote or thought or talked about Mars during 200 years came in text form for the committee to review. The followings are random samples of Reference 0018 (Stands for 2018).
One’s thoughts (Reference 030/0018)
We all have been in group assignments or projects at some point in life. How do you find working with groups? How active are you?
There are two types of people who are terrible to work with.
1) They are probably too shy to say anything, do anything and the project ends up with one or two active people doing all/most work while they stay dead like a tree in a skit. Yet, they still receive decent result or score even though they put no effort and they deserve nothing.
2) And there are people who are never satisfied with anything or anyone in their entire life. Whenever somebody has a point, they notice a tiny minor problem with it. Whenever somebody does actual work, they always find a reason to complaint. At the end of the day, the group ends up doing nothing because there is no perfect plan that satisfies this type of people. They cannot think of one on their own, either.
So, what happens when humans are to move to Mars one day and these people want to come along? Are we supposed to let them represent earthlings, making first impressions to Martians, Aliens etc?
A Conversation (Reference 009/0018)
Person A: Do you know there are people trying to get out of this planet and move to Mars or something?
Person B: …………..
A: Yeah, it is happening.
B: What’s wrong with this planet?
A: Yeah, I have the same question. Of course, something has to be wrong about this plant. Otherwise, why would people spend a lot of time and money to invent something that will take them out of here? Anyway, do you think they will take us when they are ready?
B: No idea.
A: Well, do you want to go with them?
B: If they take me, why not
A: I don’t know much about Mars or why we need to go there but if certain people are going, then I say we must be going too. Should we be doing something to be on the ships?
B: What ships?
A: Spaceships, you idiot. Spaceships to Mars
B: Right, what should we do to be on the ships to Mars?
A: Hmmmm, I don’t know. Start learning Math?
B: Not a chance
A: Right, I just hope they take us no matter what
B: me too, man
The Leaked list of people not going to Mars (Reference 968/0018)
- Public Smokers
- People who honk split seconds after green light
- People who freaking litter
- People who don’t let others’ vehicles park in front of their houses
- People who cut in line
- Many bus drivers
- A few taxi drivers
- All the politicians
- Bad football players
- People who never responds email
- People with fake accounts on social network
- People who “seen” the message and never replies
- People who talks too loud in the cinemas
- The rest of the bus drivers
- Future politicians
- People who want to build walls
- People who believe in God, but not ghost
- People who believe in ghost, but not God
- Too religious people
- Those monks
Next up: What really happened in the meeting of Mars Representative Selection Committee