Things We Wish We Said to Grab Drivers

On Telephone:

  • I am sorry I don’t live in a very convenient location for you to pick up. As a matter of fact, I still live with my parents just like 96.8% of Burmese people in the country. My point is this isn’t even my place technically so you can’t really blame me for not living somewhere that’s easy for a pick up. I wish I saved up well so I could rent a nice apartment around the corner. Well, I guess you wish you saved up well so you don’t drive a taxi, too.  
  • I know it would be a little bit easier for you if I walk out of my street but there is a reason I use Grab and the reason is I am lazy to walk out of my street. Is it not so freaking obvious why people use Grab?
  • My location? Can you not check the map?
  • I mean seriously we are not trying to find gold here; it’s a relatively simple map.
  • Well, I can tell you where I am going but do you think there is a reason Grab app doesn’t let you see the destination before passengers hop on?  
  • Thank Grab you are here.

On Board:

  • Can you turn the music down a little? I am not being a prick but you know sometimes, loud music is not for everyone. I hope you understand.
  • Can you go easy on honking? Listen; there are only two types of drivers on the streets of Yangon. The first type; they don’t give a damn about your honking. The second type; they take your honking way too seriously and get offended so they end up cutting you off or testing your brake which could get ugly. So, honking never really works. Easy on honking maybe?
  • Look, I know bus drivers are annoying but it’s probably time we become bigger persons and ignore them? 
  • Right, you are doing all the work and Grab is making money off you. Guess what buddy, I wish I could let you do all the work and make money off you. I guess everybody does. 
  • I understand you know directions well and Grab also allows you to make the final call on choosing the route but do you see any upside for me in directing you a wrong way towards my destination?  
  • It’s totally fine with me that you would like a 5-Star rating but no offence here; it’s just average service.  I still don’t know how to rate a normal service on Grab. I would give 3-Star rating but I don’t want people to think 3-Star rating means you suck. It just means you are okay. A friend of mine told me he wouldn’t get into Grab if the driver has anything less than the highest ratings because 5 Stars rating in Myanmar stands for “average”. What do we do when we find “excellent” then? I guess we are generally so awful that we rate the mediocrity quite high.
  • Can I get off here because it’s easy for you to turn back and avoid traffic? Well, remember when I told you we use Grab because we are so lazy?
  • No, don’t keep the change. Find it.

Things Grab Drivers Wish They Said to Us:

  • Cancel, bitch.

Disclaimer: The story is written light-heartedly with intention to humor you even if that means we are hated by the mighty taxi drivers. However, if you are still anyway offended, please consider that it’s not about you.

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